I am in agony. It's all David's fault. That's all I'm saying.... apart from the fact I'm finding it hard to walk in a straight line.

This agony has made daily tasks rather difficult. I fell over in the shower and cut my head on a loose tile. Another owie. I slipped in a muddy puddle and ended up caked to the thigh in brown. My parents find it hilarious.... especially as I am now sat at my desk with one leg hanging over the back of my chair and the other on top of the computer box in an attempt to alleviate my disquietude.

He's in biiiiiig trouble!

In other news, the world (as far as I am aware) is still turning, John Prescott is still a fat odourous pig and there is a bluebottle flying around my head in the last seconds of its life.

5 seconds later: News update. The bluebottle is dead. I must now take my leave to wreak my vengeance on 'The Boy'. Mwahahaha!